Last week, I was waiting for my mom arrive from her surgery. The surgery lasted longer, then she said. I tried to stop thinking because my mind kept creating all the worst possible things…
In 2004, I promised myself that I will have a better relationship with my family. I just finished competing and was calling my dad to Georgia to announce that I won PAC-10 championship again! I dialed the number, my aunt answered, so I asked: “Can I speak with my dad?” she said: ”No. Your dad is dead. He had a heart attack.”
Coming to America I imagined that after graduating I will have a great job, earn a lot of money and buy everything that my parents want. This is how, I envisioned, I will repay them for loving me.
After that call to my dad I was stunned, my plan had a huge flow… I thought that my parents will live forever…
This is when, I realized that I had completely wrong values and was taking the easy way in showing my “love.” In whole honesty, I knew that building a better relationship with my parents will be too hard and I did not want to start that “pain.” I thought, it will be enough just buying them a trip to some beautiful place or so.
I did not mention yet that the last conversation I had with my dad, it was a fight. This is the last memory my dad and I had from each other. Me yelling and hanging up on him.
This is the most shameful moment in my life and my biggest regret.
I grasped that I cannot wait any longer, making my mom happy sometime in the future when i will be “rich”… I had to really rethink what is the most important what I can do for her now.
It was awful to admit that I was also, the cause of her biggest pain. Somehow, it is much easier to be nicer to the strangers then to the person closest to you. To people whom we just met, we are so inclined to leave the nicest impression, but to the people who care the most for us we dismiss them so easily with the cold “hi,” “whatever” smirks, fighting them on every detail, being rude, taking them and their love for granted…
I knew, I had to change. It took us 10 years, to build the amazing relationship we have now. With my mom we are the best friends (yes, we still have sometimes disagreements, when I will get married, or have a “normal” job, however, now, it is very rare.)
Not our egos, not the “truth,” “fairness,” or “justice” is the most important…
The minute we change our outlook to loving instead of “proving our point”, the life changes.
Most of the time our “point” is not as important as the feelings we leave behind. Have you ever thought, what kind of feelings do you leave after the interactions with people? Did they get inspired, energized, calmer, more peaceful, feeling more loved, or the opposite?
In any relationship, we have so much influence. Our every word, look, feeling, action has a huge effect on another person. No gift, no amount of money, nothing will replace sincere attention, caring, making each other smile. And we all have these in our possession at any time.
This time I am so happy that I managed to build such a great relationship with my mom and now we can fight the cancer the second time!
Life seems will last forever, but it is not… We have to daily remind ourselves: what is the most important? Take care of yourself, take care of other people, especially your beloved ones.
As I was visiting my mom at the hospital. I couldn’t believe how many people are having to fight cancer! I got home and researched. I learned that according to Cancer Research UK: “1 in 2 people born after 1960 will be diagnosed with some form of cancer during their lifetime.” The unavoidable fact is that most likely all of us directly or someone in our family will be affected by cancer. However, the earlier the cancer is detected there is a very big chance of survival! But it has to be early! Please, please, please go check your health regularly!!! Go check NOW! Ask your friends to go to check themselves too! Please! Please. The fear of bad news should not be the reason why we waited too long and deprived ourselves of chance to get cured. Too many in my family passed away because they were afraid to check…
Life is a beautiful thing to fight for!